May 29
W I went home and I wrote you this song. For your ears only!!!
June 2
W Sorry, I just can't get you off my mind. Bummed there was no proper goodbye. Although no form of goodbye would feel good anyways.
June 3
W I love you!
J I'm going to pretend that doesn't terrify me!!
W :) Keep it together, Pidge!
J Not my strong suit but I'll try. Bad stuff happens when love is on the line.
W Nope, I disagree.
J I have 20 years of experience to prove you wrong
W I'll prove you wrong
J We should put money on it. I hope I'm wrong but I'd bet my car and my house (neither of which I own ;)
W So I win...eternal bliss. You win...I owe on a house n car. Perfect :)
June 5
W Let's not think about reality quite yet! I just gotta see you again. That's all I know at this point! You make me feel so full of life. Not that it's not real...just...ahhh!!! You know!
June 7
W Just seems like it's gonna be perfect. A good date. Maybe you'll let me call you my girl then.
June 9
W Kinda bummer cause it's dry n cows are a little thin, but work went well. Listening to cowboys tell lies: broncs they've rode, cattle they've roped, fights they've won and women they've had. Ya know...the usual tall tales. Thinking of my Pidge.
June 9
W Kinda bummer cause it's dry n cows are a little thin, but work went well. Listening to cowboys tell lies: broncs they've rode, cattle they've roped, fights they've won and women they've had. Ya know...the usual tall tales. Thinking of my Pidge.
June 10
W Seriously, you make me feel so good, and I know that I make you happy too. If it's short-lived because of technical issues, or we just don't hit it off - like you say, or it's too hard on you, or you meet somebody better for you...it will be fine. However this crazy thing evolves, it will. Life just happens, you come to a fork and you make a left or a right. Sometimes it's easier than others. I will not fuck you around and lie to you. My life now has a lot of great things in it, and it's missing a lot of things, too. I'm not sure how it's going to play out but I'll do the best I can do make the best decision as they arise. Whether it's you as a friend, or lover, or more. Regardless, my heart is swollen with happiness because of you. I hope you agree.
June 11
W Just read your piece on love you sent the link to. Intense. So true. So scary. You are an amazing writer, which I took for granted, but now I know. You are smart. You are sensible. So beautiful. I'm a mess. That's what I love about you. Can't wait to see you again. Can't wait to know you better. Listen to music together. Look at beautiful things together. Laugh together. Teach me things about coffee, wine, food, books. Live a little. Love.
June 25
W My heart is breaking. I'm terrified. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you. I feel so alone...in the darkness in the desert. Once again we are left in a whirlwind of bliss, pain and uncertainty.
June 29
W I need a co-pilot if you're up for it.
July 5
W Hey Pidge! You're a tough one. Sorry I'm putting you thru this. Wasn't my intention, I hope you know. Hope your day is going good. Glad you survived the fireworks. Sorry I'm so outta touch. It'll get better. Really need to deal with shit tons here. Physically and emotionally. Thx for being so supportive.
July 7
W I'm so lucky to have you in my life. So smart, so beautiful, so supportive. G'night sweet pea. And a brilliant cook, and an amazing artist, and a Tom Petty fan. And can cross stitch like a motherfucker. And I love the curl of your lips when you smile, and how you kiss me with your eyes open sometimes. And you laugh at my ridiculous analogies. And get my stupid dirty jokes. And you wear sexy shoes. And take care of me when I'm sick. And edit my stupid writing even when you don't really have time. You're pretty darn amazing.
J Thank you, sweetest heart o'mine. Thank you for all these lovely thoughts...and for seeing me, seeing me through all my posturing and insecurities and worries, as the person I want to be. The person I want to be for you. Thank you for stepping up and showing me what it means to be loved, when I had given up hope, when I felt completely unlovable. I hope we have a million minutes and days and years to laugh at those dumb inside jokes, and to share those personality quirks, and kiss and fall asleep all tangled up. And if I close my eyes I can smell the small of your neck and feel your hands and hear your heart, so so close to mine.
July 9
W I'm sorry. Please don't call me anymore. You have to let me go. I'm blocking your number. I'm going to try and work on my fucked up marriage.
Posts
Fucking men! They just feed off of us, feed and feed and feed. Use us as mirrors for their own egos and then disappear. I can't quite articulate how angry this makes me, but GOD I hate when men do this. Compliments, pushing love before it's appropriate, seduce and cajol, work tirelessly to lower our guard, then "thanks, babe" and gone. You don't even exist to him, you could be a paper doll. They just need someone to vomit boredom and stunted desire on. Makes me tired. Deep, social structure, sexual object tired.
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