Also, slipping and falling (Kaleb)

J Are you working or do you just text people all day?

K Working ;)…lol

K Let me know if you need a pic of me in just shorts ;) …I have nothing to be embarrassed about ;)…lol

K Although I am very white…lol

J Yes, judging by the number of pictures of yourself that you’ve texted me, you seem to have no end of confidence in your appearance! I don’t need more pictures. I’m more interested in personality.

K I am still awesome trust me!!!!

K Lol I am awesome…lol very fun to be around, honest, a gentileman, trustworthy, and inteligent ;)

J I like how you spelled intelligent wrong LOL

K Lol I keep telling you my auto complete suxs…lol

K I think I need to reset my phone but then I might loose also my contacts…lol

J You mean lose?

(K texts picture taken in bathroom mirror)

K haha your favorite type of pic…do I look ok?...lol

Dear Kaleb,

When someone gives you their phone number on Monday and you make plans together for Friday AND they specifically say they “aren’t really into texting,” don’t text them incessantly, like 500 times, because they might really regret agreeing to go out with you. Also, you are 36 years old; do you really need to follow each text with lol? It’s tiresome. Also, I’m not laughing.

People can make their own judgment about your appearance and trust me, they will. Repeatedly telling someone that you’re a “good-looking guy,” doesn’t make you a good-looking guy. In my opinion, you’re pretty average looking.  Also, same goes for telling people you are “intelligent” and “awesome.”

Driving a mid-range sports car doesn’t automatically make you “sexy.” Also, quit talking about “picking me up in your sexy sports car,” as if it’s the highlight of my day. You dropping me back home after our date and knowing I never have to see you again was the highlight of my day.

The fact that you have high blood pressure and cannot eat "fatty meats" should probably be offered up on a “need to know basis” only. The fact that you’re running low on your anti-inflammatory medication is not of interest to me at this particular juncture.  This might be interesting to me if I was 75 and we were married; in fact, I am 35 and single.

I’m not sure I’d agree that you’re “adventurous and love to try new things,” you turned up your nose at just about everything on the menu and when your martini came you refused to drink it because it wasn’t “sweet.” Then, when the mojito you ordered came you proceeded to pull out every single mint leaf. Just drink your drink already. Because if you don’t, I just might.

Also, speak up. Mumbling is not attractive. If you’re date has to keep saying “sorry, what?” that means you should annunciate.

Also, when someone asks you questions, it’s polite to reciprocate. I know you’re entire life story and you don’t even know my last name or what I do for a living.

Also, it’s rude to tell someone, “I thought you were taller.”

Also, when someone practically breaks into a run when leaving your car, they probably don’t want to see or hear from you, ever again. There is no need to text, “we should hang out again!!! lol.”

All my best,

Joce