The Joce Compatibility in Dating Quiz (You)

Start with 100 points. Subtract 1 point for each of the following statements you believe accurately describes you.

1. I am an only child
2. I live with roommates
3. I live at home with my parents
4. I have been convicted of a crime
5. I am a vegetarian
6. I am a vegan
7. I don’t drink
8. I don’t remember the last time I changed the sheets on my bed
9. I have taken a picture of myself in the bathroom mirror with my shirt off with my camera phone
10. I have taped myself having sex
11. I consider myself a “cat person”
12. I consider myself a casual drug user
13. 4 wheeling is one of my hobbies
14. I regularly play video games
15. I do not own a car
16. I am not employed
17. I am in debt up to my eyeballs (for reasons other than medical or law school)
18. I have kids
19. I am under 5’8”
20. I own sweatpants and will wear them in public (other than the gym)
21. I go to the gym every day
22. I never exercise
23. I eat fast food/pizza at least once a week
24. I am a smoker
25. I enjoy singing karaoke
26. I don’t wear deodorant
27. I wear cologne
28. I never floss
29. I like Jimmy Buffett
30. I was in a fraternity in college
31. I have posted an ad in Craigslist Casual Encounters
32. I have paid for sex
33. I own a giant television
34. The last time I read a book it was required reading
35. I refer to myself an existentialist
36. I own a gun (for something other than military service or my job as a police officer
37. I have cheated on a former girlfriend
38. I have never been in love
39. I own a light-up beer sign
40. I collect empty beer or wine bottles and display them on my windowsill
41. I have participated in a threesome
42. I have a subscription to a porn magazine
43. I have an allergy to peanuts, wheat, or milk
44. I would consider myself a “picky eater”
45. I drink to get drunk on a frequent basis
46. I have never been in a relationship that lasted longer than 6 months
47. I am divorced
48. I refuse to dance even when I’ve had a couple of drinks and I’m at my best friend’s wedding
49. I refer to women as “females”
50. I have been called “cheap” by a former girlfriend
51. I live paycheck to paycheck
52. I do not have a savings account
53. I think women should open their own doors
54. I prefer chain restaurants to local places
55. I drink my coffee with a lot of cream and sugar or I prefer tea over coffee
56. I need “meds” to get through the day
57. If I can’t get it at Walmart, I don’t need it
58. I prefer to go “dutch”
59. I wear “tighty whities”
60. I have a full beard, mustache and/or muttonchops
61. I LARP
62. I participate in historical reenactments
63. I am 10 years older or 10 years younger than Joce (Joce is 32)
64. I am from the northeastern part of the United States
65. I run marathons
66. I wear baseball / trucker caps regularly (even if I’m not playing baseball or truckin’)
67. When I wear a baseball / trucker cap, I turn it to the side
68. I have a tattoo of a Looney Tune
69. I have a tattoo of a comic book character
70. I have a tattoo of a woman’s name (other than my mother)
71. I have a tattoo of barbed wire around my bicep
72. “It’s all good” is something I say frequently
73. I regularly say “and whatnot” at the end of a sentence
74. I use the terms “lol” and “lmao” on a frequent basis
75. I have an obsession with Star Wars
76. I have an obsession with Star Trek
77. I have an obsession with comic books / comic book characters
78. I have an obsession with the Lord of the Rings trilogy
79. I have an obsession with football
80. I do not know what NPR stands for
81. I sleep on a mattress on the floor
82. I am a Sagittarius, Scorpio or Capricorn
83. College wasn’t for me
84. I have used the phrase “I carry my God in my pocket”
85. I use the term “bro” or “bra” when talking to my male friends
86. I play in a band
87. I chew gum
88. I drink more than one soda pop a day
89. I hate my mother
90. My mother hates me
91. I love my chow, pit bull, Chihuahua, cocker spaniel, pug, beagle, Jack Russell terrier, Doberman pinscher, miniature pinscher, wolf mix, or Rottweiler
92. I have over 300 friends on Facebook or MySpace
93. I prefer texting to calling
94. I bought “rims” for my car
95. I wash my car once a week
96. I never wash my car
97. I own a snake, lizard, rat or ferret
98. I am going bald and growing my hair out at the same time
99. My hair is long enough to pull back in a pony tail
100. I dye my hair

1.

Scoring

80-100

Clearly you are a big liar…or my knight in shining armor. Call me immediately for a date! Or to propose! I’ll be happy to give you the best (or next) 4 years of my life.

70-80

Three scenarios are possible: we will go out on 1-2 dates and you will fall in love with me and I will find you wretched OR we will go out on 1-2 dates and I will fall in love with you and you will find me tedious OR we will go out on 1-2 dates and decide we’re better off as friends. Things will be awkward for awhile but we’ll appreciate each other in the end. This is the most likely scenario.

50-70

The best opportunity for a “bad date.” We have just enough in common, or you’re hot enough that I’ll agree to go out with you. I will probably even be hopeful about it. Give him a chance! Maybe he’ll surprise you?! It will be painful and embarrassing and a huge waste of precious time. Of course, it will be fun to tell my friends about later. Sayonara suckah.

40-50

It could never and will never work. Of course, that doesn’t mean I won’t go out with you. I’ll give it the old college try and will hate every second of the “experience.” I will vow never to see/call/talk to you again and I will resent you and look forward to mocking you at my earliest convenience. Or, we will move in together.

0-30

Move along. You should be ashamed of yourself. I’m ashamed of you. Your mom is, too.